Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
