Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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