Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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