gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
