I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
