youre lurking in front of me
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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