ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
