Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
