We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
