i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
