next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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