you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
