she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
