DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
