i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
