Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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