I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
