"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
