i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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