I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
