Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
