Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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