R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
