k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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