he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
