I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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