Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
