I must be too annoying 4 u.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
