I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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