I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
