Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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