my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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