I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
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