weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
