'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
