and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
