So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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