Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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