I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
