It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
