stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
