It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
