Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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