You really coming over, don't trick.
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Randomize
