Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
