ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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