i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
