he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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