there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
handjob tips. give me some.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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