Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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