I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
