i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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