One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
